Simply Sisler: Remembering Mama 2-22-50 to 2-20-09

I've been thinking all week about this post. What was I going to say? How profound could I make it? What personal excerpts of my mom and I's relationship could I fill you in on.

As I was going through old letters and pictures this evening to prepare for this post, I realized I can't pick out one picture. I can't pick out one memory. I can't pick out one letter. They are all so wonderful. Well that, and the fact of my complete and utter breakdown.

Everyday I miss her, but I push that grief box to a very back corner in my brain. I don't let that grief box out much, but when I do.... Katy bar the door. (as mama would say)

I'm not a big cryer, and I HATE crying in front of people. So sometimes it's good for the soul to let it all out.

This woman was a good woman, NO A GREAT WOMAN. She loved others more than herself and she lived her life that way. One day I'll understand why she was taken so early. I'm at peace with it I just don't completely understand. And I'm ok with that. All I know is mama knew where her real home was.

Mama wrote a series of devotions for her Explorer Leaders after she was diagnosed with terminal Pancreatic Cancer. I wanted to take a couple of excerpt from these devotions, but I'm just too emotional tonight. I will give you all more on a later date because they are definitely worth blogging about.

HOWEVER, I will leave you this one excerpt she wrote near the end of the book. She is talking about her bad chemo cycles. She talks about how her "bad chemo" (meaning the strong jungle juice) weeks were almost like a time clock. The first couple of days were awful with nausea, tiredness, neuropathy, feeling flu like, loss of appetite etc., Then the next few were not good either, but much better than the last. Then the next few were bearable, then the last were like you had climbed a big hill and now the fun part... you slide down. (meaning the last days of the cycle you were so happy to feel ok again that it made your good days seem GREAT)

Well she compares this bad chemo cycle to her walk of faith. These are her words below...

"It [our faith] is like the bad chemo cycle. God, in His marvelous grace, sends the refining fire to our worse than bad sin; so that we can have His best. What is God's best? Himself - being forever in His presence - in glory.

The last mile up that hill of the walk of faith toward home is the hardest - but the top-----Glory-Wheeeeeeee-Glory------forever- no more hills to climb - no more rivers to cross - Glory in the presence of our dear Lord and Savior --- forever.

Revelation 21:10"

Can I leave you with anything more comforting than that? It came from her mouth. No more hills or rivers for this beautiful woman only WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!